It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came she back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
source It’s not that I don’t love you. (via extrasad)
Anonymous asked: i used to suffer from anxiety attacks and for me the best thing for me to do was to distract myself from what was going on. i would read and try to focus on other things or i would focus on the anxiety attack and tell myself over and over again that i wasn't dying/that nothing bad was actually happening. this lasted for a week or two and eventually i stopped having them once i started fearing them. (although it's different for everyone) i found it best for people to just be quiet and be there.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I am glad you found out what helps you dealing with anxiety attacks, and I really hope you won’t have to face them anymore! Thank you again! <3
Anonymous asked: What do you mean your gonna make things work and not run away? Do you mean with your boyfriend xx
It has much to do with my boyfriend, but it’s not only about him. I am very good at isolating myself from people and not letting anyone in. And I don’t think this kind of behaviour is good for me in the long run. It might prevent me from getting hurt, but it also doesn’t allow me to experience a lot of things. :)
This is an important question to those who suffers of anxiety/panic attacks - what is the best thing to do when you feel an attack coming? What can other people do to help?
Anonymous asked: So, can you recommend some (contemporary) writers that you like? Thank for your opinion on JG, I think you're right in some points but I enjoy his writing nevertheless ;)
Haha, to each its own, I guess! :)
Some of my favourite contemporary authors are Jeffrey Eugenides, Alan Warner, Alice Munro, Isabel Allende, Umberto Eco, Harumi Marukami, James Ellroy, Niccolò Ammanniti, and a bunch of others I am forgetting because I am not good at remembering things when I need to.
If you enjoy John Green’s work, maybe you can give Melina Marchetta a try - I absolutely loved her Saving Francesca.
I often find very good books browsing through this section, and browsing through bookstores and bookstands. In my opinion what works best when it comes to find a good book (aka a book you like) is trusting your guts - when you find something that catches your attention, just go for it! And if you don’t like it, you can always give it to someone you don’t like much either, haha! :)
linfociti asked: OMMIODDIO MA IL TUO NUOVO TATUAGGIO E' BELLISSIMO!!! E' così semplice e delicato, mi piace da morire, penso ti stia benissimo! Te l'avranno chiesto già in tantissimi, ma ha fatto male? Ci è voluto molto tempo?
Oddio tesoro grazie *^* Ci ho pensato una vita, ma penso che dovessi documentare il mio amore per la Nature eheh Non ha fatto quasi per niente male, giusto un po’ le foglioline, ma tutto sopportabilissimo…più che altro sembrava di avere una vespa nell’orecchio XD Ci sarà voluta una mezzoretta e il tipo è stato bravissimo, speriamo mi porti fortuna per l’esame di domani D:
Haha, oddio, a me il rumore dava fastidio sulla spalla, immagino dietro l’orecchio! E spero anche io ti porti fortuna per domani, IN BOCCA AL LUPO! <3
Anonymous asked: Sorry if you've already been asked this before but why do you dislike john green/ john green's novels this much?
There is a few reasons why I don’t like John Green and his novel.
First of all, I don’t enjoy his writing style. For example, his frequent use of metaphors interrupts the narrative flow and gives a sort of manufactured, unauthentic feel to the whole novel, in my opinion. This is just a matter of personal tastes, though. I understand many people would disagree with me, and the reasons why they appreciate Green’s writing stiles are just as good as the reasons why I don’t enjoy it.
Second, I think he presents situations (especially romance and relationships) in a very idealized manner. Which is ultimately quite unhealthy for those who read his novels, especially considering that his audience is mostly composed by young people. Also, I don’t like how his characters give the impression of being built around fixed tropes, and his story lines often appear to be a bit flat. In short - his work seems to lack of substance.
Third, I am not particularly appealed by the whole persona he built around himself. He just does not seem very genuine to me. Most of the things he says, sound like a way to get a wider audience, and bigger profits. He seems to know what people want to hear, and repeat it without actually believing it. He wants to be seen as a young writer who writes for young people, and he acts accordingly. I may be wrong, though. He may genuinely be the person he presents himself as.
Again, this is just my view on him and his work. I would never judge anyone for liking him. But I think there are many much better writers who don’t get nearly as much recognition as him, and I can’t deny it upsets me.
I promise, I am going to try to make things work. I am going to put myself into it this time. I won’t run away.